God I wish I were imaginative to come up with an idea like this:

Calling All Yahoos
Worried about what John Poindexter's up to as federal information czar? Call his home number and ask. While the dawning of the New Amerika may be old news to the rest of you, up until last week I had no idea things had gotten so bad. I arrived in San Francisco after 16 days spent vacationing in the State of Jefferson (the name locals give the swath of mountains and lakes straddling the California-Oregon border), shocked to find Republicans had taken over all federal governance, the country was moving even faster toward pre-emptive war, and the future portended massive deficits, attacks on civil liberties, environmental rollbacks, and free rein for corrupt corporations. Worse, I learned, Iran-Contra conspirator Adm. John Poindexter had been made head of a Pentagon division that would compile a vast database of every financial, medical, employment, school, credit, and government record for every American, so that law enforcement and spooks might better spy on us. Still, there's always a bright side: Perhaps Adm. Poindexter may be able to also use his new database as a force for good, to divine exactly why America has gone so terribly, terribly wrong. Optimistically, I dialed John and Linda Poindexter's number -- (301) 424-6613 -- at their home at 10 Barrington Fare in Rockville, Md., hoping the good admiral and excused criminal might be able to offer some insight. A pleasant-sounding woman I think might have been Linda, the former Episcopal priest and now effusive Catholic, answered the phone. "John's not home right now, but can you call me in about 10 or 15 minutes?" she said. "I'm on the other line." But henceforth I only reached the Poindexters' answering machine.